willemite

The Gates is a hell of a funny book, yes laugh out loud funny.

A foursome of dark dabblers attempt a summoning. Somewhere near Geneva, the Large Hadron Collider is whirring about attempting to divine the “god particle.” What could possibly go wrong? Before you can say “oopsy” a small portal to you-know-where has been opened, and nasty slithery sorts begin arriving, like unwanted relations, for an extended stay.

Samuel Johnson, this one sans Tourette and any inclination to pen a new dictionary, is a precocious eleven-year-old. He is trying to get a jump on Halloween a few days early. He and his dog, Boswell, (go ahead and snicker) happen upon the unlucky coven just as they are absorbed by large things with tentacles and issues with personal hygiene. One local in particular, Mrs Abernathy, or what has taken her over, takes charge and the game is on.

How will Sam convince the people? I mean really. Would you believe it if someone told you that your town had been invaded by beings from hell? Of course I do remember the Republican convention here in NYC, but none of them actually displayed physical tentacles.

The cast grows to include a conflicted demon named Nurd, a pair of game clerics, a very evil dead bishop who would prefer not to remain beneath the ground, dark creatures of all sorts, and a town population determined to defend their blessed plot, their earth, their realm, their England. Connolly has a lot of fun with names. A teacher is named Hume, the Renfields comprise half the summoners, Dr. Planck and Professor Hilbert work at CERN. It almost like a cast list for an episode of LOST.

You will laugh and you may cry, but if the latter, it will be from laughing so hard. The Gates is a madcap romp that offers engaging characters, scary monsters, silly monsters, walking dead and some good old common sense. Ok, some of the evil-doers were maybe not so new, but there are plenty of new ones to go around. I was very much reminded of Christopher Moore’s work and of the tone of the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. You won’t have to conjure a good feeling while reading Connolly’s sweet-sulfurous offering. It will arrive uninvited.

P.S - I cannot imagine that when (really, it must be when and not if) this is made into a film, there would not be roles for Simon Pegg, Jessica Stevenson and Mike Watt.

P.P.S. – the scatological twelve-year-old hiding under my gnarled hide leaped for joy when a hapless demon arrived and commented on his unfortunate landing, “I appear to be covered in poo.”